I KNOW I have a problem. I KNOW I am obese. I KNOW I need to eat better and exercise regularly. I KNOW this is one of the reasons I have infertility issues. So far I have followed in my mothers foot steps - every health issues she's has I've had...the last one is Diabetes and being given a diagnosis of PCOS its only a matter of time before that is in my future too. I KNOW I have to stop this isanity NOW. I have a very low self esteem, and experience bouts of depression and anxiety. SO if I KNOW all of this WHY, WHY, WHY can't I find the will power inside of myself and make the necessary life changes I need to make a difference???? :banghead: :cry:

I've tried WW twice. The first time I started to see results, I'd lost 20 lbs, then my sister stopped going so I did too. The next time I did it without her, didn't go to the meetings, wasn't losing so I quit. I joined a gym with my husband, we were doing GREAT, I was feeling stronger, then we didn't go during Christmas and after that our attendance went out the window, we cancled the memberships a few months back. I struggle with writing down what I eat, I get mad because I can't eat this or that, I resent it when I can't eat stuff cause I love it but I am fat so can't do that. WHY? WHY can't I change my way of thinking? Why don't I see that I am sick? My husband is an alcoholic, he stopped drinking 5 years ago... I wish I could stop eating!

I am definately an emotional eater. How do I stop that? I am so ashamed with how I look. I have to go to the dr today for some skin issues and didn't want to be schocked when I got on the scale there so I weighed myself. I am 294lb (5'6) CRAP what happen? I am up more! AHHHHHHHHH!! I hate this!

Where do I go from here? How do I make my health a priority? How do I take control? I feel like a failure. I want to be a mom so bad. I feel that if I lost some weight I'd have a better chance of getting pg. Why isn't that motivation enough?

Okay....Thanks for any advice you can offer. I need help.

Jana

I know I have those days ALOT!! But I know that I can do this. I started with the infertility first and then became much bigger than I was pre-IVF txs. I am 5 ft and 198. I am ashamed of that number and am scared my husband will one day get tired of waiting. I know in my mind that won't happen, but in my heart it terrifies me. I have learned to accept myself (is very hard, but not accept the weight.) I know that we can lose the weight together, the other line for the wt loss together. Please write there, the ladies are very accepting. :) It will get better. Just pray and keep your faith, it will happen for all of us in time. ;)
Hugs
Heather

I just wanted to send a hug your way. I have always hated hearing...well if you lost a few pounds this would happen....if you lost a few pounds that would happen....seemed like every problem I ever had was because of my weight. Before I got started on the IF train fully my first dr said...well let's lose about 50-90lbs and then we can get started....he went out the window faster than you can say Jenny Craig. If he could only promise me...promise me if I lose that weight I would get pregnant on the spot. Nope..he couldn't. He couldn't promise me that getting the weight off would lead to me getting pregnant without pills..OPKs...injections...bloodwork...and evil tests. He couldn't.

If the only advice I can offer you is to eat healthier. I am staying away from fried foods and evil munchies..when I get those it's pretzels and popcorn. Make your insides feel better before you worry about the outside.

I love big women. I think big women are SOOOOO beautiful. I have a great husband who feels the same way. I haven't seen a picture of you, but I KNOW you are beautiful. All women are beautiful.

I can happen for you! Please...believe this. I am 5'11 and 289lbs. When I got pregnant I was 297! I was told at 14 that I have PCOS. I didn't know what that ment. Now I do...you have to work harder at getting that baby.

I hope in some small way I might have helped you. If you ever need to vent or talk...pm me.

Good luck in your journey. I have faith....I have hope...it will happen for you!

It is NOT about willpower. If I just tell myself "I WILL NOT EAT CHOCOLATE!!" then all I do is sit around wishing that I had chocolate.

It is really about making the best choice each time you are presented with one.

You are at Olive Garden. You have a choice. Eat a whole bunch of breadsticks, pasta, and a sugary drink, or eat mostly salad, only 1-2 breadsticks, iced tea, and a lower-fat entree or less of a higher-fat one.

You are at Subway and are really hungry. You can go ahead and get the foot-long with extra cheese, some chips, a soda, and maybe a cookie or two or three, OR you can get a 6" loaded with veggies and have iced tea or water for a drink. You'll still be full at the end, but you didn't let your tummy make the choice for you.

You are at Christmas dinner. You can have a ton of ham, potatoes, and pie, or you can have mostly vegetables and salad and enjoy LESS of the yummy but higher calorie things.

You don't have to GIVE UP the things you love. Dr. Oz was on Oprah the other day and he said that cutting 100 calories a day out of your diet can make a huge difference. 100 calories is nothing - that is as little as skipping the mayo or the 2nd scoop of ice cream!

This goes for exercise as well as food.

You are at the mall. You can find a spot as close as possible to the door, or you can choose to park at the furthest spot and enjoy the walk to and from the store.

You are at your doctor's office which is on the 2nd floor. You can choose the elevator or you can take the stairs.

Emotional eating is hard. I am not an emotional eater, so it isn't an issue for me. But maybe you can find some alternatives that satisfy your need for comfort while cutting some of the calories: sherbet or frozen yogurt instead of ice cream, pretzels or Baked Lays instead of Doritos, hard candies instead of chocolate.

Another thing is to never let yourself become too hungry to the point where you are ravenous and can't control yourself. Have small snacks throughout the day and drink lots of water (or tea or Crystal Light or whatever) so that you never have that starving feeling.

Please do join us in the weight loss support thread! I know you can do it!

Crystal

Hello!

THANK-YOU so much for all your words of wisdom and encouragement!!! :) I want to send each of you a private message but don't know if I'll have the time tonight so I wanted to post a quick THANK-YOU!! :-)

This week has been rough..emotions outa control, anxiety...and I think AF is lurking so its a major PMS thang. Today when I stepped on the scale I went off the deep end.

Crystal, what you say about making the better/healthier choice at the time is VERY good advice. I remember that from WW, I need to keep that one at the forefront of my mind. I am very much an all or nothing kinda person and also lack patience. This is something I MUST work on. When I don't see the weight flying off I get discouraged and I slowly lose control of my eating habbits.

I've gotta find a healthy balance, take baby steps and just keep on keeping on. I am thinking tomorrow I am going to start by making sure I drink all the water I need to be drinking and take 2 healthy snacks to work. Then I'll start taking steps to watch what I am eating, watch portion size and get my puppies out for a walk once in a while. One step after another....

Thank-you so much for the wisdom, encouragement and other places I can check out!!

It helps so much having support...both with weight and this nutso ttc journey. Currently my husband & I are on hold, next step is Clomid, I am ready to jump, dh isn't. I know what he says is correct but I so sick of waiting. We are looking into relocating, new jobs, new place to live and so forth...he wants that stable before we continue. Things is we have to put that all on hold, until we pay off one more debt, should take a year if we get part time jobs to help pay more. I don't know if I can take waiting another year or two.... UGH! Why can't I just get knocked up?

Whoa baby so much for being quick! LOL!!

THANK-YOU!!

Jana

Jana,

I am an emotional eater as well. And when you are on the IF train that is dangerous. One of the things I did was make promises with myself. If I want Chocolate I must walk for 10 minutes on the treadmill. If I want cake I must walk for 15 minutes. After awhile I was walking everytime I craved something and then when I was done walking I really didnt want what I craved anymore. I am also doing WW and it really helps me. Someone in my group said the other day that she has never lost more than .5 lbs in a week. But when you lose .5 lbs for 4 weeks that adds up. Join the weight loss thread. There are a lot of good tips on there and everyone is so nice.

Dawn

WOW, I could have written nearly every word of your post. We're even the same weight. I am exactly the same way (emotional eater, all or nothing, depression/anxiety, shame, poor motivation...all of it!) and having a really rough time with it right now. I lost 10 pounds in October, then let things slide this month and nothing has happened. I have been to a fertility doctor and in 6 months of aggressive treatment (Clomid, injectables) I only ovulated once. The doctor advised losing weight, and I let 10 months go by without significant effort to lose. What an eye-opener that was, though - I always knew I would need Clomid or something, but I didn't know there would be a chance that fertility drugs wouldn't work.

I have found the most important thing for me is to plan exactly what I will eat and stick to it, and to eat BEFORE I am hungry or when I'm just a little hungry. I believe that I didn't get to 300 pounds by having a good relationship with food, so I cannot plan meals and eat in the same ways I always have. I have to use my brain constantly to lose weight - to plan meals, to choose portions correctly (this is my big problem - I am not a sugar or bread fan, but I do enjoy eating a lot), to eat at the correct times. By controlling all of that logically, I can lose weight. I don't like cooking, and my usual method is to wait until I'm really hungry before I eat anything, then I eat too much. That has to stop!

I have noticed that when I am making good food choices and exercising, I feel so much better. I am happier, my moods are better, my self esteem is so much better. I don't know why that isn't enough to make me do it all the time, but I'm working on it. I couldn't read and not respond. I feel exactly the same way and I understand the self hatred, the despair and the frustration. Unfortunately the only solution is a lot of work to lose the weight. You are worth the effort!

I am always amazed at what a GREAT group of ladies here on FT. I always say..."Kim you are addicted to FT..you need to stop going on so much." But this is why...so much support and genuine care for eachother.


Jana...I have lost 90 pounds over the last two years...slowly. I started out first by giving up Mount. Dew...LOL! :) But I have a problem with it. I loved it so much...that it was the first thing I grabbed in the morning and went to bed with at night. If there is something that is really unhealthy for you..I would give it up...I know this soda had no nutrional value and was mega calories. I just went cold turkey with. You will be surprised at how many calories you can save daily if you just find out what your trigger food is and eliminate it.

The second main thing I did was to try really hard to actually FEEL TRUE hunger. I know it sounds silly...but really so many years I would just GRAZE all day long...my stomach did not have a chance to empty. The first day I started my plan...I did not eat anything until 6:30pm that night...it took ALL DAY before I felt anything in my stomach. And I liked it. It felt good to actually eat when I was truely hungry. I have lost the weight basicly not depriving myself of anything if I really want it (besides my empty calories trigger MD) and have developed the habit of asking myself...how are you feeling? I actually use the number scale....where at each meal I stay at a neutral 5. Anything over 5 is to full. After a couple of months...you will automaticly start doing this. It will become VERY evident when you hit a 5.5. I always announce to my dh...."I think I am at 5.5!"...LOL! Like it is a major ordeal...but it is all about MIND control.

I went for over six months doing this...and then I began to concentrate on eating more fruits and veggies...You have to make sure your MIND/MENTAL state does not feel deprived..that is the key. Give yourself the freedom to eat anything...and you will be amazed at how good it feels. Of course..you have to eat for good nutrition also...but I don't recommend even concentrating on this at first...just concentrate on feeling actual true hunger. I lost the first 50 pounds in six months doing this.

Now if I can get myself to exercise consistantly!!!! :D

Dropcqueen,
I think you wrote the answers to your own concerns in your letter. You seem to have a better history of staying with healthy habits when your efforts are coupled with someone else joining along. You might want to try hiring a personal trainer to work out with you 3 times a week. I did, and I lost several dress sizes in two months. It's not as expensive as people think. You can pay it off slowly and some trainers offer lower rates for group training. I was much less embarrassed and self concious when someone was waiting to work me out at the gym. It only takes a 5-10% reduction in weight to improve your chances of conceiving. That means 15-30 pounds. You can drop 15 pounds in 2 months! Don't beat yourself up so much!

Have you tried actually allowing yourself to eat? Make huge salads and eat the whole thing. Eat a bowl of high-vitamin cereal every morning like total or special K. Make it a point to drink lots of ice water with yummy lemon slices in them and crushed ice. ALWAYS have a glass of water beside you. Eat soup with every lunch and drink all the broth. Don't pick on yourself constantly. If you try not to eat, you'll binge. I promise. I have done that a lot. If you deprive yourself, you'll just end up overcompensating later.

CHEW GUM! Have plates full of veggie snacks and fruit everywhere. Okay don't freak about the fruit. It's not bad for you, and it's far better than a slice of bread.

Make walking for exercise a family affair. . . or a couples activity you do with your DH. Stop badgering yourself and start living. The weight loss will happen. If you can't eat less, move more. Figit, dance, chew gum, rock in a rocking chair, and lift weights while you're just watching TV. Play board games where you have to bend over a table. Park farther from your car than normal when you're going to the mall.

By the way, just cutting out the soda, chips, and candy bars will change your entire life. Even saying no to those three will make a change.

HUGE HUG COMING YOUR WAY!!!!!

Like the others - I very easily could have written every word of your post about myself!!! I am 5'10" and 264. So...where do we go from here??????????

Try a 10 minute walk every day. Find 10 minutes at work, or at home you can just get up and move. It doesn't have to be a power-walk -- just walk for you. Think about all the positive things in your life. Make this a time just for you...this is something that I relish ever day and it works! I feel better about myself and I've actually started to see some benefits from it!

I am not as winded as I used to be when I walk up stairs, I find myself being able to stand for longer periods of time without feeling like I'm about to pass out from the weight. All in all -- start small. 10 minutes is all you need the first week. Increase that by 5 minutes every week until you get to 30 minutes.

If you need someone to talk to - send me a message.

We're here for you!

Julie