hi guys,

I am just writing in hopes for some help with my dh. He has been after me for years to start a family and everytime we get in a scrap he brings up the fact that we don't have kids. Mainly this is because I was totally dragging my feet about the whole going to the doctor and getting testing done. I also wasn't completely ready to have children because we had some money issues. Well now I am totally ready to go I have done my testing and ultrasounds and poking and prodding etc etc and am taking met and clomid and it is CD 16 and I have managed to get him to BD with me twice since day 9! AND I had to practically harass him then, he is only in town every second day so we have to make hay while the sunshines right? I understand we have been busy and he has been working etc. but we are at the point were it has to be done, and it can't be all wine and romantic dinners every time. He just doesn't seem to be into it at all and I have asked him several times if he still wants to have children and he says of course, I have asked him why he is dragging his feet so much and why all of a sudden its not a priority and he says hes to busy, like it takes more then 10 minutes and I am the one who has to sit there with my feet in the air for like 20 minutes. Sorry to spaz out here but I am just getting so frustrated with this whole thing. I feel like I am trying to do all this on my own for nothing taking drugs that make me crazy and excersising and eating healthy and everything in preperation for this and he can't show up once in awhile for two minutes? I thought quickies were a guys dream anyways!?! Maybe he is just scared to be responsible for a child I don't know. Anyone got any thing that might make me feel better? I am so sorry to ramble on having a hissy, must be the clomid!
Danica

For my DH, sex on demand is the hard part. I think he wants it to be when he wants it, not when he HAS to have it. Through all this IF stuff it becomes a chore rather than fun like it used to be, sometimes I even agree with it. I'm sure being stressed with work and being stressed with sex is hard. If he's like my DH, sex was a way to relax, have fun, be close and a time not to think about other things, it's not on demand and a chore.

Guys just don't have the maternal instincts like many of us do. If we never had children, dh would be disappointed, but could live with it, unlike me. My dh didn't grow up with his father around much, only his grandfather. I think that also puts pressure on him. He's not convinced he'll be a good father, but believe me he will be wonderful. Sounds funny, but by looking at him with our dogs, I know he'll be a big goof. I think he just needs some confidence.

Maybe try making it a bit of fun (it's hard when it's also a chore for you). Make comments to get him interested. Find the time of day that will work for him. Try anything, but be patient. I remind my DH that if we get pregnant on the cheaper things we won't have to move on to the expensive things like IVF, that seems to work for him. In his mind he may help save us money, what a deal, 10 minutes of work and maybe save us $12,500. Imagine what you can do with the extra $12K if you get pregnant on chlomid (or naturally as in our case).

I don't know if I helped, but I understand what it's like to have DH not totally into it. Just hang in there.

Hi Tuckytex :hismilie:

IKWYM!!! :) I agree with thelady. Try to keep it light and fun, but also have you tried talking with him (at a different time in your cycle) about how you feel? I had to have the talk with dh last month about the whole IF responsibility thing. Here I am doing research, charting my cycle, taking meds, going to the dr., getting test after test after test for the last 4 yrs. All he has had to do is give 1 sample and show up a few times a month when I O!!! :angry: I told him it was stressing me out and made me feel like he wasn't contributing.

I think men feel a little helpless and little less like men when they can't get us pg right away (even when it's not their fault) and then they feel stressed and pressured to perform. My dh is not really a talker, but I think me talking might have helped him know how he can help more. Anyway, best of luck to you and hang in there! :hug:

:D Hey Girl....I was actually driving today and you came in my mind. I was wondering if you had started your clomid yet. So is this your first cycle?..I know how you feel about the sex thing...I don't really have as much trouble as you say you are having...but it seems that this sex on command is for the birds. It is so stressful when he feels "he must do it." I know it sounds silly..but sex is so mental for men. Almost like they become "rebellious" when they know they must?

The best advice I can offer is to try a little "extra special treatment" :blush: BEFORE hand...like 3-4 minutes...that usually does the trick for me...sorry..tmi but I am trying to help you here. My dh has such a physical job that he is truely tired at night....so this is a good perker upper...LOL!..literally...oh..I'm so so bad. :o :o

So what did the doctor say about your test results. Are you starting out at 50mg?

Wow!

Thanks everyone! I am so happy to have you guys to talk to! I am also glad you have so much advice. I think I am also getting a little more upset about this because of the clomid and also because I have really almost become obsessed with getting pregnant. I have made it my whole goal right now. Goldie I don't go for tests to see if I O'd for a couple of days, I had those weird cramps on day 14 though so I am praying that was a good sign. :confused: I will have to let you all know. Do you all know how big of a difference it would be if I was on top? I know that isn't the recomended position but how much of a difference does it make? That way he could just lay there and be as tired as he wants. Hope you are all doing great and thanks so much for listening!!
Danica!!